Don’t read this blog if you’re not brave. I’ve always believed in tasteful candor.

About month #4 into my widowhood a well-respected Pastor’s wife and friend, from a larger church in Salem, talked with me.  Sharing how too many Christian widows end up using alcohol in excess and participate in free sex, as a way to replace the love and fulfillment they felt with their husbands.  I was not offended in her warning, but carefully listened to this beautiful lady because I have utmost respect for her, knowing she would never have flippantly told me this.

I appreciated her candid knowledge.  I needed to have been warned. I had been accustomed to much physical touch and intimacy in my marriage.

At 19 months into widowhood, let’s just say, “I GET IT”.  I really get it.  I don’t need the alcohol to make me feel better, but the residing question is, “How do I channel the extra nurturing compassion that I have, the extra attention and effort that I had put towards my husband and our marriage”?

Out of my close- knit circle of single Christian women friends, there are some who have been widowed for a good while, having made a few proven bad choices along their journey. We listen to their stories and try to absorb their red flag warnings. Then there are some of us who are holding out, not being able to imagine that another man, as great as our husbands, would ever enter our lives.  Some are wanting a husband, snap your fingers…right now.

But, out of my circle of close friends, WE ALL AGREE, we should be responsible  to not assert the healthy behavior we used with our husbands on to other men, out of marriage.  See, we were used to receiving attention on a daily basis.

So, I say, “SHAME ON YOU, if you’re a man who readily runs into an available situation with a widow:

• Shame on you if you have taken advantage of a widow who is trying to inadvertently replace her husband.
• Because there are widows who feel lost.
• Because there are widows who are floundering emotionally and financially.
• Because there are widows who miss the strength of a man’s mere presence.”

And I readily and happily say, “THANK YOU to the men whom I regularly associate with:

• Thank you to those men who are responsible.  Who aren’t afraid to briefly visit with me and provide basic friendship.
• Thank you to those men who trust me, knowing I won’t be inappropriate, knowing I respect the marriage covenant they share with their wives.
• Thank you to those men who  provide safe boundaries so that I may also maintain my set boundaries. 
• Thank you, because I as a Christian widow need men such as you.”

Last but not least, please don’t be afraid of widows.  We are not piranha’s.  But, we are our own breed.  Forced to survive and hopefully flourish.  Choosing to serve God.