What THIS WIDOW wants OTHER WIVES to UNDERSTAND

IMG_0664 (1)I’m now on the other side of the fence. No longer the wife of a man, part of two living as one.  Years before Loren’s passing I had observed many people.  Single and married adults.  I now realize, even back then I was learning what to do and not to do in life.

Now, while married I wasn’t wary of every single woman who came our way. But you can bet I wasn’t foolish either! 

My mom had been close friends with Naomi Pfinister and Carol Robeson, both single Christian ladies who at some point in their lives were forced to survive their losses.  Because of them, I had healthy role models of solid, single women and witnessed their interactions with my father, my husband, my children, and many other’s.

Through these ladies I learned:

  • It is possible to adjust to a life of singleness even if it not be your first choice.
  • It is possible to adjust joyfully and gracefully even if the heart bear sorrow.
  • It is possible to be an adult single woman and have fun without being a royal flirt.

Unfortunately, in years past I had witnessed Christian ladies  acting in such a way I was lead to believe they were  “blurring boundaries”. 

Because I hadn’t lived my adulthood as a single person I felt I had “no leg to stand on”….no sound reason to speak up.   Now I do have a leg to stand on.  Today I have  28 months of life experience.

Dear wives, most of you are my  friends…some, casual acquaintances:

  • We widows feel and see that slight, ackward “thing” that happens if we are in too close of proximity, for too long, around your husband in the most innocent of situations.
  • We don’t resent you wives for your natural reactions.  We understand and do not feel offended!
  • Just because I am a Christian lady does not  mean you shouldn’t pay attention.
  • When I was married I had upright antennae’s. I applaud you, wives, for paying attention.
  • You are NOT a “jealous woman who doesn’t trust her husband” just because you are healthily guarding your marriage! This is normal.  And correct.  So full of wisdom.  You are his help-meet.  Regularly and fervently tending  to your garden.
  • We widows would’ve been ferociously infuriated and heart broken if another lady had smeared marital boundary lines.
  • Wives, you are very wise to remain your man’s #1 cheerleader. Your man’s #1 friend.  Your man’s #1 confidant.  If any other woman starts becoming one of those, STEP UP!   SPEAK UP!  Don’t become helpless!
  • Wives, fight for your marriages!  We widow’s know what it is like to lose a husband in death. Please don’t lose yours out of lackadaisical complacency.

 

I am just a widow who would give anything to have her husband back.

I am a single Christian lady finding that niche where I fit in.  Trying not be socially reclusive yet very much caring that I never cross lines.  All the while doing it God’s way.

6 thoughts on “What THIS WIDOW wants OTHER WIVES to UNDERSTAND

  1. This is a not often mention subject in the churches today… I have been a both sides as well… A complacent wife … naive in thinking that there was not an enemy of our soul seeking to destroy our christian family . This enemy will look for any door way he may enter to steal and destroy.
    Be aware of the “Open doors”. We know what these are as Christians, you want to lock them tight through contrite prayer, petition and meditation on HIS WORD daily!

    HONOR and RESPECT your spouse in word and action in front and when not present.. If you are not in agreement over and issue bring it before the Lord FIRST, watch HIM change YOU and then change your spouse will follow …

    BE A PRAYING WIFE! I was far too Complacent… in prayer for my family… I was busy.
    I lost my christian husband to the world … I had no choice but to stand firm and stay close to GOD.. and not go in his direction.. The backlash of not entering his world was brutal… I had to stand firm … the narrow road is tough but it is RIGHT, saving more heart ache down the track…
    As a NEW single, I stopped going to small christian meetings , electing only to attend services on Sunday where I would sit in the back. I showed up late and left early, foregoing the fellowship times I use to enjoy when I was a couple.. This was OK for me as I was far too vulnerable and in grief to handle the comments people would make. My only comfort were my times alone with Jesus in the Quiet places of my heart I knew I was never alone … Jesus Again became the JOY and my Desire …. I have found my purpose through service to HIM… I am an aged care worker… My children now grown, have blessed me with their unconditional love and support.. I have multitudes to be thankful for and much to look forward to!

  2. oh so true…one thing I learned as a widow, we loose our “MRS” degree, whereas when a man becomes a widower he still retains his “MR” degree.

    as a widow/single person we tend to become a ‘threat’ to those that may have some insecurity issues…NO I DO NOT WANT YOUR HUSBAND!

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