This morning I visited my brother’s church NEW HORIZONS in McMinnville, Oregon. The founding Pastor, my brother, Galen Gingerich, challenged me.
- God wants to awaken us to the things that may be holding us back
- At some point we must move forward and not get stuck
- Expect that in your life there will be greater liberation after moving forward
The timing of the sermon was beautiful.
I can attest that I did become stuck after the desperate grief ended. Making a forward move did not become natural…especially without my life partner. For 37 years I was used to making forward movements with another person…not by my self.
After my newest blog, “I’m Going To Need To Become Just Like Him”, my other brother, Pastor Dennis Gingerich, from Florida, sent me a confirming text. Quote Dennis, “I have found that a big decision is really just a series of many mini – decisions over a period of time. In other words, it is a process, and you have been doing a great job at the process of navigating this lengthy journey. I’m very confident that God will give you clarity in the details and the timing”.
In my process, TODAY….I feel afraid. I feel hesitant. I feel unsure of the newly-found understanding of why I need to move towards leaving what-was-once our haven.
At this point, there is no excitement or sense of adventure as I look towards a change.
For varying reasons, the pursuit of change revolves around necessity. I guess I should be very thankful that I didn’t have to start this journey 9 years ago… as some widows must instantly do. As I recall the hours spent hours of mowing the lawns and fields or sitting on the decks midst the forest…even overlooking the snow laden trees out my large windows throughout my beautiful home…I’m flushed with the knowledge that I’ve been gifted with 9 years of relishing in rich memory, recall, and history. That is a gift.
Beautiful. And I know you have cherished these nine years in your home, on your property. My prayer for you, Julia, is that God causes you to dream dreams again, to have visions, and to become excited about next steps. He has not failed you before, He will not start failing you now. Love you.
Lori, thank you…..the prayer you wrote is still needed…I’m still stuck in the business decisions and process(ES) of preparing my place to be able to sell it. I receive the encouragement and believe it will happen. Love you. Julia
Some 45 years ago my husband, Nolan, sent me out on a mission to start looking for a house or property in a country area north of the San Fernando Valley. I spent a year looking and we finally found 5 acres in an unincorporated community where we built a house with the help of friends and family and his dream became my dream as we built and landscaped and became part of this little town. So we raised our kids and lived for 40 years with a view of beautiful Vasquez Rocks. Then Nolan died suddenly and besides the hard work of maintaining the place, I found I just didn’t want to be there without him. I guess home was where Nolan was. And within a year I sold a house, bought a house, sold our RV (which was the most heart wrenching part for me) and traded in a year old car I didn’t like. Sold the tractor and the quads and the riding lawn mower and sold or traded a lot of furniture. And still wanted to crawl in a hole and stay there. And tried to figure out what my life alone after 52 yrs of love and partnership could look like. I think I am not made to live alone, but here God has put me. We have to put aside the guilt of being the survivor and inheritor, which I have not found easy. And make realistic choices about what is going to be good for us. I always thought our place would be the safe port in the storm for our family. We have all had to let go of that. We all loved that place. But they understand. I needed some challenge and adventure and bought myself a rather rustic camper van and have done some traveling and camping in that. That has given me some challenge and joy that I need. I know you will find a way. God is so good to his widows, sending help when we need it, creative ideas and strengthens our backbone every day to do alone what we did as partners for so long. I promise better days ahead.
Barbara, I simply love your words….God sending help when we need it…creative ideas and strengthens our backbone very day to do it alone. Just beautiful. I needed to read this today. Julia
Julia, I am glad if I was able to help, as you have helped me.
My husband passed away unexpectedly just two years ago. I had to sell our home within the first year and scurried to a rental with my son and daughter, who just graduated high school. I expected to downsize and find a home to buy but it’s too expensive in our city. We don’t want to leave and don’t know where to move. Thank you for sharing your words!
I’m sorry you had to make a quick change. I think that is every widow’s nightmare. I’m trusting that you’ve been able to get your feet back on the ground. Julia