In the past 7 years, I’ve met many widows who quickly share how “the Scriptures” (as in whole) have meant so much to them during their new journeys of loss as they slowly move on towards a level of acceptance. 

I certainly am not one of those women. I have felt embarrassment, somehow even a reoccurring element of shame…. that I did not immediately experience a momentous breakthrough spiritually during my early years as a widow…sometimes feeling as if I was being judged that I wasn’t spiritual enough.   

I had memorized Psalms 23 when I was in Middle School….preparing for the annual Bible Memory Camp that required me to memorize 300 designated scriptures each year so I could attend the summer camp in the gorgeous Cascade Mountain Range.  

I had always found Psalms 23 to be poetically beautiful….I even sang and performed the New 23 Psalm song multiple times in concerts in the 1970’s.  Many people have often seen the chapter of Psalms 23 type-written on a program of a Funeral Service.

If I had not lost Loren I would have never discovered the new sense of purpose that I have gleaned from this passage that continues to lead me towards greater solace.

The words in black bold print are exact words from my Bible.  The words in parenthesis are my frequent ponderings that I meditate on.  

                                                      PSALMS 23:  1 – 16

The Lord is my Shepherd    ( I serve the true living God who shows compassionate nurturing care for me)

I shall not want  (In every relational and financial need that a single woman faces there is no reason to desperately search or panic.  I continue onward as I was, steady as possible… just now alone)

He makes me to lie down in green pastures (God will help me find “comfortable, safe, peaceful places” in family relationships, friendships, my needed down-time, and my work)

He leads me beside still waters  (He always takes me to calm waters where I can easily and safely drink from.  He will never lead me to churning rapids and scary waterfalls to gain nourishment as I heal)

He restores my soul  (If I let Him, the continual process of healing is slowly and surely doing its complete work)

 He leads me in paths of righteousness for His Names sake  (God will always direct me towards right living and wise choices, it’s not about appearing perfect but being a positive example)

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (When I’m living in the throes of death’s heaviness I need to remind myself that there will be an end to the shadow…knowing I will reach the end sooner as I carefully walk a straight course through the valley of the shadow)

 I will fear no evil (God clearly states He is watching over the widow.  What and whom do I have to fear?)

 For Thou art with me (and He is!)

Thy rod and staff comfort me  (I’m not sure I like the picture of the crook of the rod encircling my neck…pulling me back from a cliff..as if I am a dim-witted ewe.  Even the little corrections and seeming modifications He has already veered me away from / or leading me towards are for my good…the end result bringing comfort)

 He prepares a table for me (There’s no reason to starve spiritually during grief…plenteous protein drinks, soda crackers, jello, chocolate and banana cream puddings, and favorite flavors of ice cream are available for me while my stomach and palate are in a weakened state.  When I’m ready for the rich foods a gourmet buffet will be presented…special made for me!)

 In the presence of my enemies  (Death may feel like my enemy…unsurety/fear certainly is my greatest enemy….sometimes people too….just learning how I fit in to the social areas as a widow)

 He anoints my head with oil (Instead of wanting to run, pace or panic, the wisest thing I could practice would be to sit still and meditate.  That is when the soothing balm will pour over me)

My cup runs over  (Eventually I will be renewed enough that I will have great emotional and financial abundance to share)

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life  (I believe that the emotional and physical aging that came with the heavy grief will not overtake me forever…eventually my body will regain its full vitality)

And I will live in the house of the Lord forever!  (I can now recognize Gods continued goodness in my life.  I must embrace life in the land of the living…. where I am still placed…. and rejoice with new insight that my future days in Heaven will be greater than I can humanly comprehend).