When my youngest daughter and her husband announced their first pregnancy at our 2020 Thanksgiving Meal, I felt numb. I’m incredibly embarrassed to say I did not show a deep reaction.  Naturally I was very happy for them….loving the thought of having another grandchild, however I did not scream in delight nor hop up to give hugs. I just sat in my chair at the dinner table with the family…. asking multiple questions about how my daughter was feeling, the due date etc.

 It was later that night, when by myself, that I started questioning, “Am I being a neurotic selfish parent who inadvertently turns the attention on themself?”  I was mad that “I hadn’t been the perfect mother who responded in the perfect way”. 

By the following day I was able to sort through the emotions. I called my daughter and apologized profusely, feeling very remorseful that their announcement may have felt like a letdown.

I was going to happily become a grandparent again… yet, because I had been down this road before, I knew the sorrow that would accompany the beautiful baby.

Our third grandchild had been born 3 ½ months after Loren’s passing. Loren had known he’d be having his first grandson and he was on Cloud 9 non-stop. He had announced the news on Facebook and to anyone who would listen. We already had two adorable granddaughters…the perfect apples of his eyes.  Loren loved babies and children.  Simply put, my man was a complete kid magnet.

….Not long after Thanksgiving 2020, another daughter “randomly” dropped by.  By this time I had a greater understanding of my less-than-perfect reaction with the first announcement on Thanksgiving.

This time there wasn’t that spell-bound-shock-as-with-me-sitting-at-the-kitchen-table.  No, I was sitting in Loren’s recliner in the Master Suite…she in the other recliner when the tsunami of tears hit us.  After minutes of blubbering we eventually discussed the excitement of two babies next Christmas. 

Hot tears still bubble up quickly when I recall the “Since Loren has died I have”:

• Watched two daughters date various men and find their men they chose to settle with
• Gave my verbal approval when one young man asked if he could marry our daughter
• Walked our daughter down the aisle and gave her away
• Sat on the front row, beside the aisle, at two daughter’s weddings, without my spouse
• Gained 1 grandson 3 ½ months after Loren passed
• Gained 3 grandchildren by marriage
• Shortly, I’ll gain a grand baby within days
• I’ll then gain another grand baby in August

Maybe…just maybe…one of the new babies will look abit like their grandpa.  If so, I’ll be like Loren.  I’ll laugh a loud hearty laugh and abrupt water shed may happen in the most inopportune times.