This tax season I am no longer a widow. Thankfully I had that 1st year where the government recognized me as a widow to help me slowly adjust to those taxable changes, the tax adjustments, the decrease in deductions I could use. This tax season I am being taxed as a single. The first time in my life paying taxes as a single person.
And, last week I had to once again produce another death certificate for a business transaction. I foresee having to prove his death in more situations as they show themselves. You’d think this would come to an end after 22 months.
As I’ve had to continue producing death certificates I’ve discovered:
- It no longer bothers me to read his death certificate. For the most part, I read the death certificate as I would read any other document. In my mind his death certificate is associated with all things related to finances and legalities.
- Reading the death certificate somehow solidifies, even cements, THAT day ~ that landmark in time, those 5 hours in our home when he passed away quickly, when the EMT’s worked on him, when the coroner arrived, when my daughters and I said our goodbyes on that bedroom floor for 3 ½ hours, when Brenna sang from the grand piano when the funeral directors took his body from our home out to the van, watching them take his body down the driveway, and then away.
- As he seems to fade in my life, those death certificates are a wonderful reminder that I was his wife. I love to see my name on that death certificate. Death certificates. Confirming a solemn, life changing event.
I’m also not bothered receiving mail that may have his name on it. In fact, I somehow enjoy seeing mail addressed to him.
- It brings a comfort, another reminder that he and I had shared our life.
- It puts perspective in to my life. He and I had shared our finances. We were attached.
- We were recognized as an entity ~ together. I wish it could stay that way forever…….
…and those letters of advertisement and pieces of random mail can keep coming…with his name alone or ours together posted on the envelope. I’m not ready for them to stop. When they completely stop I for sure will most certainly feel alone.
And that death certificate will haunt you for awhile, and after all these years I am getting mail addressed to him for hearing aids, will preparations and on it goes…
Judy, it’s amazing that you’re still getting mail addressed to him this many years later! I expect that death certificate will always be packed with a barrage of emotions. Thx for being an encouraging leader in the widow club. I surely appreciate you. Julia