30 months ago Vonda Ropp attended my husband’s Memorial Service.  I’d seen her just two times since our High School years together at Western Mennonite.  I was shocked to see her since she had traveled from Washington.

After the service Vonda stood in the long line waiting to speak to me. As I recall, she put each of her hands on my shoulders, looked me directly in the eyes and with conviction said, “Julia, you – can – do – this!  Julia, you – can – do – this!”

 At that moment those words bore little weight.  I was enclosed in grief and family was surrounding me with extensive support.  But those days of continuous support have ended.  Understandably so.

I had never forgotten her words ~ somehow setting them up on a shelf, knowing I might desperately need them some day. Evidently that time has arrived!  Vonda’s words are re-visiting me… ringing in my ears….. “Julia, you CAN DO this!” Very important words since the stress of grief has messed with my ability to function in full capacity:  physically, emotionally, and cognitively.

Now, if Loren was here he’d be saying, “Julia, you think too much sometimes.”  That’s easy for HIM to say since he doesn’t have a care in this world where he’s at!  In fact, while Loren’s in Heaven he’s missing out on some of the BIGGEST ACTION that’s happened at the ranch since 2003! 

• The house’s 14 year old hydronic heating system manifold is suddenly not working properly.

• The outside wood-fired furnace (which heats the water for the hydronic heating system) most likely has a water leak in the tank.

• The all-cement-storage room in the basement has mild water damage because the ground surrounding the back exterior of the house became overladen with water because of the heavy rains….along with the fill dirt suddenly settling….all  last winter.

• Not to mention, four months after Loren passed, my well went dry!! After an extensive, orderly process towards diagnosis and after a lengthy wait in time I am hooked up to community water.  With a neighbor’s advice and much research, I thankfully found a knowledgeable man to oversee that mammoth project.

Needing to address these varied situations without having my other half here to bounce ideas off of,  has re-surfaced “traits” in me.  Loren would’ve identified them as “Julia’s suspicious traits” because he found it easier to trust and give multiple people opportunity.  Not so much me.  I’d counted on my logic along with instincts. Cautiously and selectively choosing people whether it be friendships or doing business for hire.

WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH growing thru grief? To me….right now….EVERYTHING! 

As a widow I’m all the more BELIEVING THERE  may  BE 3 TYPES OF PEOPLE OUT THERE: 

(1) Good people who will treat you as if there was a knowledgeable  man included in the equation.

(2) Not -so- great people who will take advantage of the single woman because they find out you’re not well –  versed on specific issues.

(3) Good people who have patience and are willing to invest some effort in teaching me necessary skills…those things I didn’t take enough time to pay attention to when Loren was here with me on the ranch.

Without Loren it falls on me to assess:

• Who are the competent business people?  And where’s the balance….do I accept free help hoping a person can “get to the bottom of the problem”…or…go ahead and bite the bullet and hire that experienced person?

• Are these people honest in their financial dealings?…with fair, honest prices without purposefully taking advantage of a single person?

• Would any of these people or their employees be scoping my place for ill intent? (this is a BIG concern for me as a widow).

“So, God, with every seeming large financial decision I make, in every endeavor I approach, lead me and guide me.  Help me learn to trust my inner voice since I am beginning to feel  I can trust my instincts  again.  Help me to carefully make wise decisions in an organized way that will bring healthy, lasting  results that bring no regret.  Amen.”

P.S. I’m very grateful to Ken Eisele, Rod Propes, Don Kellum, and Gary Widrig for putting up with me while I learn my new skills!

P.S.  And, Oh!  in a surprising way I’m finding I love the thrill of orchestrating the repairs and projects!