In past years I sang a wonderful worship song at church…the song continuously brought peace to my heart.  “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? …not tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril or sword…”

I had nothing to fear because I had the love of Christ.

The word “SEPARATE” took on a whole new meaning when Loren died.  In fact, a few times I…..in deep confidence with two friends….shared how SEARINGLY PAINFUL the separation from him was.   Of course, the entire life altering event was horrific, the loneliness was debilitating, and the ongoing shock knocked me to the ground……… the first 2 years I felt as if a bear had his mouth gripped on one shoulder and a lion on the other side….their teeth crunching into my flesh…. yanking…..stretching the tissue…..breaking bones and pulling shoulder joints out of their sockets.  The weight of the physical pain was cruel. 

It’s real.  I testify that the marriage ceremony is a miracle.  Not only did we pledge our vows before God and man… we became one.  Those of us who were/are able to live the fruits of a marriage that lasted over 20 years… we can especially testify to this…by this time typically each other’s lives melding into one…even while healthily maintaining our individuality.

Because I lost my spouse I had a sudden powerful awareness of the power of the spoken vow. 

Whether the separation be from death or divorce, it makes sense that unrequested separation feels savage.

So this is MY personal revision of Romans 8:35. 

“Who shall separate me from the love of Christ?”

“(1)  Not the loss of my spouse  (2) not the upheaval of my family’s lives because of his death  (3)  not the sometimes not-so-quiet judgements from onlookers as they question a few decisions I’ve had to make  (4)  not the silent anger I initially  felt towards God because He allowed my husband to die without having time to say a goodbye  (5)  not the revolving mild depression a widow cycles through on Anniversary months, Thanksgiving and Christmas (6) not the tearful times of just wishing you could discuss a current situation with your spouse  (7)  not the lonely moments when you go to the Specialist for a diagnosis  (8)  not the very-mild sense of unsafety driving over a distance of 2 hours (9) not the toll of the emotional weight that the newly-single-life can bring  (10) not the random  financial concerns when vehicles and furnaces need repair.” 

“Even though my cares are still very real …..ultimately I have nothing to fear because I have the Love of Christ. ” I still love the song, too.