It was just the other day that it dawned on me, ”I actually feel happy”.  This is a glorious-yet-bittersweet landmark for me!

Way before Loren passed unexpectedly, I had well-learned that a person can’t depend upon fickle emotions however for a person’s well-being it’s quite wonderful to enjoy feelings of contentment, pleasure and peace. 

I believe my successful steady progression…walking out of heavy grief to this point in my journey….has primarily been because of these:

1. I still choose to not do careless things on the days I feel lonely….finding alternative ways to occupy my mind and emotions, counting on the next 24 hours being better.  
2. I remain careful to choose who I hang with, clearly understanding that any single woman-who-should-know-better could easily be stupid…the last thing I need is regret.
3. I hold my friends close to my heart, my children and grandchildren closer yet.
4. I easily recall the examples of widows-who-have blazed-the-path-before-me.…taking their mistakes to heart.
5. I choose to be easy on myself….not chastising myself that I choose to not search for another marriage partner.
6. I continue to give myself permission to never give in to the pressure (from others) of “needing to get over Loren”.  Frankly, I like the security of loving him deeply….even when he’s gone.
7. I purposefully take the stance that I’ll be the person (not another for me) who decides if the wind is shifting me towards opening up my heart to another man.

In addition to the practicalities of my everyday mindset:

• I continue to give myself permission to acknowledge that God may not always be (what we humans believe as) “good”.

• I give myself permission to not (spiritually) scold myself when my heart periodically feels that God is not good nor perfect in all of His ways.

• I believe it’s healthy to “to feel”, as long as I have the clear understanding that my humanness is only fallible perceptions at a given moment….my feelings will not change the Truth of God’s Word. 

• I am quick to smile and enjoy the content pleasure of the times I can readily agree in my heart that God brings good out of horrible situations. 

• God’s love for me does not cease just because I am learning to know Him in an entirely foreign way than required before. 

May God’s love rule and reign in my heart and life and may His comfort completely permeate me day and night….year around….ridding the pain that still periodically shadows me.