I miss hanging with Loren at the coffee shop. I miss hanging with him while he’s talking with buddies about repairing quads, finding car or farm equipment parts, or solving the world’s problems. I miss hanging with Loren while we run into Skyberg Hardware to purchase farm supplies. I miss the drivers and dispatchers from Winco. I knew some of them and their wives for 30 years. I miss the life of big equipment and trucks. The list goes on. But sometimes life’s circumstances insist we adjust……
1. ACCEPTING THE NECESSARY CHANGE OF MALE FRIENDSHIPS
99% of Loren’s male friends are married men who are concerned for my well-being. Non-the-less, the dynamics of our relationships have dramatically changed.
And the change HAD to happen. It’s all about wisdom. Reciprocation. Honoring another man and his wife. Honoring their relationship and never doing anything to impede on that marriage’s well-being. I would expect the same if the situations were reversed. See, I’ve long witnessed needy single women hanging on to solid married men.
So, I now sit on the other side of the restaurant when I go in to Coyote Joe’s. I often wave and say hi to the guys but no longer sit amongst a group of 6 – 10 men. Periodically one or two might give me a quick side hug and ask how I’m doing.
2. ACCEPTING MY IDENTITY
Changes. Changes. They feel magnified this fall/winter. In reality, I’m not excluded. I’m blessed to live in a small town where I’m known because of my job with the School District along with owning and operating my Music Studio. I’m blessed to live in a small town that knew Loren and I as joint business owners. I’m blessed to live in a small town who knew Loren as the School Board’s Chairman. Because we supported our local businesses, people knew us. I’m still known. I’m blessed.
3. EMBRACING NEW FRIENDSHIPS
Loss dwells in me. But I have been pro-active by becoming a part of a social circle of other single Christian ladies. Sharing the same ugly loss. Monthly we get together to laugh like young girls, eat a meal, shed a quick tear, and inevitably tell our most recent crazy stories that life has thrown at us. I can’t imagine life without these precious friends.
4. RECOGNIZING WE ARE DESIGNED FOR COMPANIONSHIP
One thing I have learned. We are designed for companionship. God knew what He was talking about. We are not meant to be alone. However, I’m not convinced I want to re-marry. My life is full with my family, increased responsibilities of maintaining the ranch, and a job that puts me smack dab in the middle of 480 kids. Then there’s the biggest contributing factor in my thought process: I still am very much in love with Loren. My heart is with him.
“So, God, so far I have made solid choices. I’m going to keep listening to that still small voice in my heart. Listening so I can stay in the center of Your will, because that is where I want to remain. With You. Amen.”
(BTW. I may very well write a blog about the many reasons why not to remarry. ha.)
Thank you for sharing, Julia.
Thx. Love you, friend. Julia
thank you Julia for your transparency with all of us Whether widowed or divorced the “SINGLE WOMEN” issue arises. The move back being single again is a scary proposition to those of us who were in long term marriages with men we cherished. Those men that were friends to us mutually have to change. One of my biggest heartaches was the loss of many of our mutual friends due to taking sides. As sincere Christians they felt it was their duty to support one or the other according to how they saw the situation. I was labeled and shunned by people who I thought were life long friends… This doubled my grief in despair….. Well meaning Christians who thought it was their duty to bring me up and give their opinion on why we broke up.
I want to encourage those who have suffered this type of loss of friends… When so called friends walk away from you during a divorce …… considering it JOY!
They were just not meant to be in your future. Love them from afar… The Healing began as I ventured out and made a new circle of friendships. I joined a sports team and found new hobbies. This helped me meet some quality new people who never knew my past… It was what Jesus wanted me to do!
Hi Michelle. Yes, these single women issues do arise and need to be talked about in a healthy way. God bless. Julia
Michelle, I’ve heard the exact same thing from my friends who have suffered a divorce, where friends take sides. I most certainly have not faced that. I’m so sorry. Must be so very painful. Julia
Thank you once again Julia.
Connie, trusting this Thanksgiving has its moments of peace. Julia