This morning my chiropractor, whom I see every 6 months or so, made a statement to me, starting his sentence with the words, “Your husband……”  See, Loren had been a patient of Dr. Holton also, along with our daughter Brianne having been a childhood friend of his oldest daughter, Elizabeth.  Hearing the words “your husband” immediately brought a rush of warmth and calm to my heart and body.  Hearing those words equally brought quick, hot tears that burned my eyes and cheeks.

But, I welcomed those quick, hot tears because someone remembered him.  Someone spoke of him.  Someone referred to Loren and my life together.  Someone remembered him as my husband.

And it is well with me that Loren and I always be remembered together!   Of course, he was his own strong – willed person full of wit and sarcasm.  I’m my own strong-willed person, too.   But we grew together.  We merged in to one together.  Merging into one was not an easy task for us.  But we accomplished it, together, as a team.  We had that “forever connection”. 

I’m grateful our marriage didn’t end in a painful divorce.  In our 37 years we went through periods of time where a wall of unspoken distance loomed. Even though we very much loved each other, there were periods of time we were not even friends…. lovers & raising a family together, yes.  But not close friends.  I have a life-long friend who is now walking through her own immense grief and pain because her husband has left her for another woman after 40 years of marriage.  THAT is pain.  THAT is the epitomy of grief.  Her layers of grief are different than mine, but nonetheless horrific.  Excruciating.  Haunting.

I’m forever grateful that Loren and his graduation to heaven happened in a season of renewed love.  I’m forever grateful our separation happened in a season of much companionship.  Happened in a season of close friendship, a season of undeniable commitment in heart, soul and body with multitudes of “I love  you’s” spoken to each other without restraint.  Unabandoned carefree love as happy empty nesters.  Unabandoned commitment.

Today Dr. Holton said, “Your husband….” Because of Loren’s passing I recognize we legally are not husband and wife but those 2 words are music to my ears for in my heart and mind Loren continues to be just that.  My husband.