The moment I heard Pastor Scott Nelson say the 3 words “CLAP IN THE DARK” in his morning sermon at Morningstar Community Church in Salem, OR, I knew these words pertained to my life as a widow. I immediately knew there was depth to those 3 words, maybe far greater depth than I even comprehend now.?.

 Pastor Scott was using those words in context to how he almost tripped and fell over a group of girls when he was taking a nighttime walk through the High School church / youth summer campground.  Had it not been for the girl’s quick laughter and girlish delighted claps as they were in conversation, he would’ve (to his and their surprise) fallen directly on to them, possibly hurting himself and certainly those at his feet.

Well, I “clapped in my dark” this past Saturday, the day after the 18th month anniversary of my husband’s passing.  I initially had an acute sadness looming over me but plans had been made.  My dear friend, Lorri, and I went to the coast together.  I ate a delicious oyster omelette for breakfast at SEA HAG.  (If he had been here he would’ve eaten raw oysters but raw oysters are not my cup of tea).  I purchased a large bag of fresh, homemade caramel corn. (We used to take a bag back to our hotel room and eat away at it.  Yum.) I purchased a cute pair of shoes for school and another garment. (He would’ve been patient while I shopped but would’ve hated the tiny shop since it didn’t have a place to sit and wait).   I went to the theatre to see the movie SULLY. (The same theatre where Loren and I often grabbed a late evening show on a Friday night). After the matinee I clapped in the dark by going to DORY’S COVE to eat the coconut cream pie that Loren so loved.  (Somehow the pie did not taste as wonderful without him). Everywhere I went on Saturday was laced with memories of Loren and I.  But I was OK.  I was with Lorri and content with myself.

 I CLAPPED IN THE DARK!  I believe that…..

• CLAPPING IN THE DARK will be an act of faith for me.
• CLAPPING IN THE DARK will help me flourish. It’s healthy for me to make some noise.  To have some fun.  Otherwise I’ll be consumed with silence.
• CLAPPING IN THE DARK will energize me, to keep me moving forward emotionally.
• CLAPPING IN THE DARK is a sign of life, showing that I am not dead. I have not given up.  I am not disappearing at sea.

So, Lord, I’m gaining momentum. This old hymn comes to mind, ‘Precious Lord take my hand, lead me on, help me stand….’  And God, I know You are helping me stand and leading me by the hand.  I also have a strong suspicion there will be more upcoming circumstances that will once again force me to clap in the dark.  “