Battles.   And Music.

 I was the child / girl / teenager who from a very young age could swoon any song, had a great vocal range, could easily memorize all lyrics, sing all genres of music…. and to top it off, sang with intense, deep emotion that could “pull at dead people’s heart strings”.

(yes, I was literally told the-dead-people’s-strings-thing once!)

However, from the day Loren passed away I somehow unintentionally set music aside:

• That same ability to permeate music from my head to my toes was the same shared emotional component that exuded loss.

• Because the grief deadened my ability to feel, trying to worship God without the depth I was accustomed to felt insincere.

• I had resigned to the idea I might forever remain in frustration that this integral part of myself may lay dormant.

I had been desperate to feel the Heavens open up.

So, “by accident” a friend of a friend’s Facebook post floated through my Newsfeed (which rarely happens).  It was a youtube video of SURROUNDED (FIGHT MY BATTLES) by Michael W. Smith. 

With rare curiosity I watched the music video.

Those 18 repetitive words drove me to my knees.  Those 18 repetitive words started scraping the glaze from my heart and eyes. The 18 repetitive words in this song has ignited a  spark.  For the first time in the past 34 months I am starting to sense an emotional response to worship!!

I may have lost the tangible opportunity to feel enthralled in my lover’s arms.  To have love carry me away.

But, to start to come alive in response to the Spirit moving in my heart during worship is LIFE.  LONG NEEDED LIFE!

Grateful.  Deeply grateful, is what I am!