Three years this month the Patriarch of my children and grandchildren passed.  This same month, 16 days ago, the Patriarch of my birth family passed.  Please understand, the word “Patriarch” does not bother me.  Both my husband and father did not lord the position of “eldest male” over us ~ wife, sisters, daughters, brothers, or sons.

Having witnessed their spirits leaving their earthly bodies, to me, it  confirmed a spiritual act happened as the body ceased to function.

Undoubtedly, Loren’s sudden and unexpected passing brought a high level of shock and distress whereas my 88 year old father’s  passing has not to the same degree.

Either which way, the two most influential men in my life have now left earth.

Both Patriarchs are physically gone.

Somehow, I greet this EXCHANGE with JOY:

• Because I believe my father, my husband, and other loved ones are reunited and having fellowship with each other, as they often did together here on earth, I find a high level of comfort!

• Because I believe my father and my husband now have full knowledge of the beautiful mysteries that the Holy Bible refers to, I smile (both men enjoyed challenges and learning)!

• Because I believe we humans are confined to our limited understanding, to imagine the connection that surely must exist between the Heavens and the Earth gives me a sense of closeness to my loved ones gone on before me (even though we are far apart we somehow are so very close)!

• Because I am confident my loved ones are more spiritually alive and fulfilled than ever before,  I can only be happy for them!

  I, at the same time, GREET THIS EXCHANGE with  SORROW:

• Because I know where physical loss occurs a tremendous void will exist.

• Because I know there will be days my heart will desperately ache for them.

• Because I have now lost my father, I have lost  another powerful former times relationship with a man.  (Loren, 37 years.  My dad, 59 years).

• Because I am a bit fearful (having finally crawled out of the deep pit of grief from my husband’s death) I am all too aware of that slippery slope of despair….

• Because of my humanness , the finality of physical death feels as if it will last  forever.  In Heaven’s eyes,  though, death’s finality is merely temporary..  LIFE HERE IS JUST A FLIT.

MOST SURPRISINGLY,  today,  I GREET THIS EXCHANGE with a level of EXPECTATION. 

Through Loren’s passing I have discovered: 

• out of sheer fear has come bravery.
• out of deep loneliness has come the inward consent to enjoy my single self.
• out of great anxiety has come the decision(s) to not worry.
• out of the sudden loss of Loren has come my determination to ask this ONE hard question as a perspective baseline: “IS THIS GIVEN SITUATION LIFE OR DEATH?” (simply put: there are some things that do not demand my immediate attention or concern).

I wonder what new things I might glean from now losing the TWO most influential , most- close- to- my- heart men in my life? 

Love you forever, dad and Loren.  Heaven can’t come soon enough.  In the meantime, I press forward.