After driving a long day off the Dayton Bar along the Willamette River, as I jumped down from my brand new 1979 White Western Star dump truck, my double banded diamond wedding ring became caught near the exterior mirror twisting both the gold wedding and engagement bands, so much that the bands had to be cut off my 4th finger.
After tearing the skin and bruising the now-swollen-finger, from that day forward if Loren and I worked outside around equipment we never wore our wedding bands. I hated not wearing my wedding rings but I knew it was a necessity because of people who had lost their fingers in accidents around equipment.
Because Loren never wore his wedding ring while delivering groceries for Winco, it was a running joke when he’d put his wedding ring back on, saying, “Well, I guess I’m married today”. Or better yet, when we were leaving to go on a date we’d jokingly say, “Should we wear our rings tonight and be married?”
Well, as of six months ago, I randomly started not wearing my wedding ring. Uhmmmm. Decisions. …..To wear or NOT to wear?
I had decided to test the waters and see if my grief lessened when not wearing the symbolic circle of commitment and trust.
Other than the initial feelings of emptiness, other than noticing some people (STILL!!) look at my hand and notice that I am (or NOT) wearing my wedding ring, I can attest that neither wearing or removing my wedding ring lessens or increases the loss. Wearing or not wearing my wedding ring does not change my love for Loren.
I might add, HIS “THINGS” ARE VALUABLE to me. Last Christmas his shirts were made into quilts for our four children and six grandchildren and became loving personalized gifts. I’m continually trying to think of ways I can use “his things” as functional memories.
I FINALLY UNDERSTAND HIM! He was a “sentimental fool”. For example, in the shop sits a few logging paraphernalia his deceased father once used. When cleaning out the shop a year before he passed, Loren had told Jasmine and I, “I can’t get rid of this. I JUST CAN’T GET RID OF THIS!”
And that pretty much sums up how I feel about so many of his “things”. Other than gifting a few things to Loren’s two best friends, Marv and Dan, I carefully-with-much-caution decide if I should get rid of “it”. I also wonder if some day in the future Loren’s things may become more valuable in sentiment to our children..?…
For me, I have discovered things are not replaceable when memories are attached!!
The rings? Priceless.
These rings will always hold cherished symbolism. Whether they sit on the counter or are proudly carried on my finger I can’t imagine ever losing the proud, loving sense of connection.
With his and my rings there is no “til death do us part”. Death may have forced me to physically part from Loren. But death can’t steal memories and death can’t stop things from being valued.