Category Archives: Loss

To Wear Or NOT To Wear OR Keep

Christian Widows, Death, decision making, Fighting to grow, Getting rid of loved ones things, Grief, grief at 3 years, Loss, Miscellaneous, Wearing Wedding Rings

After driving a long day off the Dayton Bar along the Willamette River,  as I jumped down from my brand new 1979 White Western Star dump truck, my double banded diamond wedding ring became caught near the exterior mirror twisting both the gold wedding and engagement bands, so much that the bands had to be cut off my 4th finger.

After tearing the skin and bruising the now-swollen-finger, from that day forward if Loren and I worked outside around equipment we never wore our wedding bands.  I hated not wearing my wedding rings but I knew it was a necessity because of people who had lost their fingers in accidents around equipment.

Because Loren never wore his wedding ring while delivering groceries for Winco, it was a running joke when he’d put his wedding ring back on, saying, “Well, I guess I’m married today”.  Or better yet, when we were leaving to go on a date we’d jokingly say, “Should we wear our rings tonight and be married?”

Well, as of six months ago, I randomly started not wearing my wedding ring.   Uhmmmm.  Decisions. …..To wear or NOT to wear? 

I had decided to test the waters and see if my grief lessened when not wearing the symbolic circle of commitment and trust.

Other than the initial feelings of emptiness, other than noticing some people (STILL!!) look at my hand and notice that I am (or NOT) wearing my wedding ring, I can attest that neither wearing or removing my wedding ring lessens or increases the loss.  Wearing or not wearing my wedding ring does not change my love for Loren.

I might add, HIS “THINGS” ARE VALUABLE to me.  Last Christmas his shirts were made into quilts for our four children and six grandchildren and became loving personalized gifts.  I’m continually trying to think of ways I can use “his things” as functional memories.

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND HIM!  He was a  “sentimental fool”.  For example,  in the shop sits a few logging paraphernalia his deceased father once used.   When cleaning out the shop a year before he passed, Loren had told Jasmine and I, “I can’t get rid of this.  I JUST CAN’T GET RID OF THIS!”

And that pretty much sums up how I feel about so many of his “things”.  Other than gifting a few things to Loren’s two best friends, Marv and Dan, I carefully-with-much-caution decide if I should get rid of “it”.  I also wonder if some day in the future Loren’s things may become more valuable in sentiment to our children..?…

For me, I have discovered things are not replaceable when memories are attached!!

The rings?  Priceless.

These rings will always hold cherished symbolism.  Whether they sit on the counter or are proudly carried on my finger I can’t imagine ever losing the proud, loving sense of connection.

With his and my rings there is no “til death do us part”.  Death may have forced me to physically part from Loren.  But death can’t steal memories and death can’t stop things from being valued.

TAKING ACTION, Patterns and MORE QUESTIONS

Death, Doing it God's way, Fighting Grief, Fighting to grow, friendships, grief at 3 years, Holidays and Grief, Loss
Loren & I.    40 years ago.

Yesterday was my fourth-wedding-anniversary-without him here.  But this year was different.  By now I’d caught on to what this day could’ve potentially done to me, as far as setting me back weeks, even months.

I took action.  I broke out of my past pattern of grief.  I broke out of my routine.  Since yesterday was Sunday, I purposefully did not go to church.  Instead, I drove a distance to long-time-ago High School girlfriend and co-widow, Eileen.  I took a lemon cake AND a chocolate cake for dessert.  She fixed me a tasty lunch in her beautiful home.   There was minimal crying and far more laughing with snippets of reflection.

To end the comforting special day, Eileen’s close confidant / girlfriend of 25 plus years drove up from Rogue River.  I felt blessed to meet her and be included in this small-gathering-of-three for 6 hours.

While being so thankful for a relieving, pleasant day with precious people, I must be honest and give you a picture of this past week:

  • Four days before the anniversary I almost felt guilty that I wasn’t feeling upset about the upcoming day.  I was sure this year would be different.  I’d taken great strides in my grief journey.  Life was predictable and far steadier on my new island.

 

  • Two days before the anniversary I felt deep searing pain in my chest, heart, and gut. The immobilizing pain did not leave me all day.  I would’ve felt great relief if I only could have sobbed for hours and released the tension and anguish I felt captive to.

 

  • The day before Loren and my wedding anniversary I stayed home.  I spent the day in my robe, reminiscing of he & I, only with mild sadness….all while feeling very thankful I had an active, silly 3 year old grandson to care for the following 20 hours.

I’ve come to the conclusion that “the BIG ONES” (ie Holidays and Special Days) will always play havoc with me physically and emotionally.  When you cherished your loved one in life with every fiber of your being why should we not be surprised that same fervency would remain after they have left their physical bodies?

Is there some sort of sick, unrealistic expectation determined by the professionals that we should just get over our loved one’s passing in a specific time period and never again feel massive pain after “we have healed”?

The love doesn’t die, my friends.  THE.  LOVE.  JUST.   DOESN’T.   DIE.

SUMMER FLINGS and the FINALLY I’m ABLE to’s

Christian Widows, Death, Fighting to grow, Grief, grief at 3 years, identifying positive things, Loss, TV shows and grief healing, unexpected things in life

I’m now in my 4th summer, this being the best of the four without Loren.  There’s less sadness.  Less debilitating loneliness.  Yet thankfully I have constant reminders of “he and I” and our life together as I’m outside working on projects that cannot be put off one more season.

But, this summer I’m having a summer fling.  That is, with my TV.  For the first time ever-in-my-life, I’m recording and watching a re-run series, for the most part, from start to finish.  You could say I’ve felt compelled and curious to watch it.  With new eyes.  I’ve chosen to listen to my instincts even wondering if this could be an odd way of moving me forward.        Again.

Maybe to put more light onto the situation. Again.

 

I’m pretty proud that I can even watch the show after the distress of Loren’s passing and my desperate attempt to revive him!  After watching a good 60 hours of the show ER, there’s only been 1x where I had to fast forward because I instinctively knew that particular scene would throw me back in time.

 

I’m pretty pleased that I’M FINALLY ABLE TO:

  • Again watch CPR being performed on people. Successfully and unsuccessfully (unsuccessfully: when people can’t be revived).
  • Hear ambulances and observe EMT’s (without me feeling a triggered emotional and sickened physical response).
  • Watch the families as they are in turmoil as their loved one(s) demise is unknown.
  • Observe the efforts and concerns of the EMT’s, physicians and (sometimes) coroners.
  • Watch adults die (watching young children succumb creates a deep conflict in me).

Of course, I understand I am watching fiction!!!   But in some ways there are close comparisons to what actually happened that morning…..  however,  fictional TV  in NO way displays the lasting anguish and “forever adjustments”….

So, yes, other than working summer school and trying to catch up with multiple projects and enjoy time with a few girlfriends here and there, my life and “all of its excitement” revolves around a 2018 summer fling with my TV.

Is that pathetic or maybe very wise?

 

 

 

TOP 7 Things I LEARNED while MARRIED

Christian Widows, Death, Doing it God's way, Faith in God, Family, Fighting Grief, Grief, grief at 3 years, identifying positive things, Longevity Marriages, Loss, Miscellaneous, Widows and Marriage

I was married 37 years.  Even though Loren & I knew that death would eventually separate us, we somehow assumed we’d be married a good 60 years before one of us went first.   Or better yet we’d both pass at the same time (but that’s selfish to wish because we have children and grandchildren who’d feel a double loss).  In addition, we came from families whose parents remained married for a minimum of 65 years until one passed.

  We had strong examples.

I’m ashamed to say it took me years to “get it”.   If Loren was here today he’d equally be honest and say it took him “that long” to learn important lessons!

 

THANKFULLY, we LEARNED and EXPERIENCED these 7 things in  our marriage:

 

  • That your spouse wants to be adored. Not worshiped.  There is a difference (every person knows their imperfections….they simply want their spouse to understand them and still deeply love them in their raw status).

 

  • That enduring love is far separate from the initial lust two individuals feel in their early days as a couple.

 

  • That longevity in a marriage can increase the strong chemistry / spark between the two (the fire only burns hotter).

 

  • That accountability to your spouse is not only a safety net but a blessing (being aware of the ins and outs of your spouse’s life is the ultimate gift of care).

 

  • That some “good marriages” take more effort to thrive (it all comes down to the two individuals).

 

  • That each spouse has their own “love language(s)”…and they are usually different (together, Loren and I discovered the book “THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES…the Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman).

 

  • That life is full of consequences. Either full of rewards or full of regrets.

 

Loren and I had finally learned to place undying effort into each other.  We climbed that treacherous, most difficult mountain together….to blend…for two strong individuals to become a team….it took blood, sweat, and many tears.  And we were fully aware we’d need to stay on course with that continuous climb.

Once we tasted the sweetness of deep love we both knew (and lovingly spoke of it) how we would never be willing to settle for anything less!  Until our dying day!

“Our dying day” came sooner than later.

You could say THAT is my problem. I lived the difficulties with him.  I then experienced the deep love between two imperfect people who believed in each other.  Who decided “we” were worth the effort.  I then lived the amazing reward.  With him.

We found a deep lasting love.  I can never settle for anything less.

 

The PATRIARCHS IMPACT and EXCHANGES

Death, Faith in God, Family, Fighting to grow, Grief, Loss, Miscellaneous, widowhood, widows losing their fathers
summer of 2015, Monday date night
summer of 2015,  dad and I on a Monday night outing.

Three years this month the Patriarch of my children and grandchildren passed.  This same month, 16 days ago, the Patriarch of my birth family passed.  Please understand, the word “Patriarch” does not bother me.  Both my husband and father did not lord the position of “eldest male” over us ~ wife, sisters, daughters, brothers, or sons.

Having witnessed their spirits leaving their earthly bodies, to me, it  confirmed a spiritual act happened as the body ceased to function.

Undoubtedly, Loren’s sudden and unexpected passing brought a high level of shock and distress whereas my 88 year old father’s  passing has not to the same degree.

Either which way, the two most influential men in my life have now left earth.

Both Patriarchs are physically gone.

Somehow, I greet this EXCHANGE with JOY:

  • Because I believe my father, my husband, and other loved ones are reunited and having fellowship with each other, as they often did together here on earth, I find a high level of comfort!
  • Because I believe my father and my husband now have full knowledge of the beautiful mysteries that the Holy Bible refers to, I smile (both men enjoyed challenges and learning)!
  • Because I believe we humans are confined to our limited understanding, to imagine the connection that surely must exist between the Heavens and the Earth gives me a sense of closeness to my loved ones gone on before me (even though we are far apart we somehow are so very close)!
  • Because I am confident my loved ones are more spiritually alive and fulfilled than ever before,  I can only be happy for them!

  I, at the same time, GREET THIS EXCHANGE with  SORROW:

  • Because I know where physical loss occurs a tremendous void will exist.
  • Because I know there will be days my heart will desperately ache for them.
  • Because I have now lost my father, I have lost  another powerful former times relationship with a man.  (Loren, 37 years.  My dad, 59 years).
  • Because I am a bit fearful (having finally crawled out of the deep pit of grief from my husband’s death) I am all too aware of that slippery slope of despair….
  • Because of my humanness , the finality of physical death feels as if it will last  forever.  In Heaven’s eyes,  though, death’s finality is merely temporary..  LIFE HERE IS JUST A FLIT.

MOST SURPRISINGLY,  today,  I GREET THIS EXCHANGE with a level of EXPECTATION. 

Through Loren’s passing I have discovered: 

  • out of sheer fear has come bravery.
  • out of deep loneliness has come the inward consent to enjoy my single self.
  • out of great anxiety has come the decision(s) to not worry.
  • out of the sudden loss of Loren has come my determination to ask this ONE hard question as a perspective baseline: “IS THIS GIVEN SITUATION LIFE OR DEATH?” (simply put: there are some things that do not demand my immediate attention or concern).

I wonder what new things I might glean from now losing the TWO most influential , most- close- to- my- heart men in my life? 


Love you forever, dad and Loren.  Heaven can’t come soon enough.  In the meantime, I press forward.

4 Most DIFFICULT, the 4 GREATEST, and the 4 Most DANGEROUS Things and RESOLUTIONS

Death, decision making, Doing it God's way, Grief, grief in the workplace, healthy boundaries, Loss, Marriage, resolutions for the widow, widowhood

de894856c2782feed1039635b1aa23e6RESOLUTIONS:  I can’t even BEGIN to think of making a list of resolutions for 2018 yet I know it’s time I take another step towards continued healing.  The following reflections are current candid evidence of my honest attempt towards creating future New Year Resolutions.

The 4 MOST DIFFICULT THINGS ABOUT NOT BEING MARRIED  are:

  • No longer having my husband to lie with.
  • No longer having someone who thinks I am the best thing that has ever happened to him.
  • Attempting to learn  how to be exceedingly happy by myself…that is, without having your other half to amplify the joys.
  • Discovering how maintaining friendships with multiple friends takes close-to or equal-the-amount-of-time-and-effort it did to maintain a tight close-knit relationship with my spouse/lover……with those friendships not providing the deepest satisfaction that a person finds with their life mate.

The 4 GREATEST THINGS ABOUT NOT BEING MARRIED are:

  • Other than the maintenance and care on the home front and reporting to work,  I can set the course of my other activities.
  • Other than the financial adjustment living  without Loren’s income ALONG with the moral and Biblical guidelines I choose to live by, I can darn well do what I want to do…..(this is VERY unsettling for a gal who had never lived on her own before!)
  • There’s no one to “argue” ~ “discuss life” with,  that is, unless I’m stupid enough to carry on mental discussions within myself over situations I can’t control…..
  • I have the liberty to dress however I want to  dress, even though I know I’d look tons better if I’d pull myself out of the widow-funk and be more stylish and wear some make-up….

The 4 MOST DANGEROUS POSSIBILITIES WHILE BEING SINGLE are:

  • I could easily become self-centered…forgetting how I once stayed engaged and focused in an alive flourishing relationship.
  •  I could easily become my co-worker’s nightmare if I don’t maintain other friendships away from the workplace…all because I’d be expecting my co-worker’s to become a “work spouse” when in reality my position at work only requires me to fulfill specific duties.
  • I could easily become self-absorbed, even feeling anxious or angered when recognizing other people still have their chosen private life, shared with the person they love.
  • At a weak moment I could easily make foolish decisions in the people I associate with ~  ALL because of loneliness and the desire for routine, consistent companionship.

I don’t believe I’ve “crossed in to the danger zone”…but I have faced a few shocking moments where I recognized I had the propensity, even the momentary POWER, to change in to another person…all because of the unwanted devastating loss of Loren.

But, to wander from the  guidance and wisdom in the Bible does not seem desirable for a multitude of reasons…..

And I now wonder if people living in good marriages even  BEGIN to understand the dilemma single people live with.  I certainly hadn’t seen the entire picture.  I surely wish I didn’t have to see this picture nor LIVE in this picture  as I do now.

So, my ONE NEW 2018  New Years Resolution is to continue being candid and honest with myself.  But while in my pursuit for greater peace and the desire to find where I fit,  I so wish I didn’t have to live with the cyclic pain and sadness that this deep loss still brings. 

 

TURNING CORNERS in the MAZE with “Ah Ha’s” and the APPROACHING Holidays

attending funerals, Children, Death, friendships, Grandchildren, Grief, Holidays and Grief, Loss, Miscellaneous

Tomorrow I have another funeral to attend.  This time for a friend, my pastor who could preach an awesome sermon in 20 minutes!  She was a lady who graced my life. Once a  week we messaged each other on Facebook before she went to her evening yoga class. I admired her strength, courage, and example as a single, godly woman. As the Fire District’s Chaplain, she was the first person to arrive at my house while the EMT’s were working on Loren.  She also spoke at Loren’s memoriab6d033eabbc51311c50231d495cfeadal service.

There’s never a perfect time for death but the Holiday season makes it worse. I’m grateful my daughters and granddaughters will be seated beside me at her service.  Because of Pastor Connie’s early-in-life passing, that ol’ enemy has rose its ugly head again.  The ol’ enemy of death and sorrow.

Seems like I keep making my way back to the maze.  Around, inside the maze of grief.

At 31 months I recognize I’ve turned one more corner in the maze.  At this moment I’m thinking it’s not a friendly corner: 

  • There never comes a solace or a fulfilling end when I am feeling deep loss and alone-ness. While married to Loren I could always count on a hug or a time of connection and intimacy ~ even if after a time of tension and disagreement. There always came a time for glorious touch and affirmation from the human being you shared your life with.
  • Not so in grief. There are times of relief, yet rarely that deep sense of peace and satisfaction feeling that the world is awesome.  Feeling like I’m on top of the world.
  • I don’t find myself avoiding other’s fresh pain in their time of loss…however MY current challenge is to NOT LET MYSELF go into the deep valley alongside them. For I’m intently and purposefully climbing out of that familiar valley of the shadow of death and I cannot let myself return to the deepest crevice where I once stayed for a long time.
  • I’m learning it’s a difficult dance to care and grieve.

 I also know I need to care for myself.  I DID on Tuesday.  After a late afternoon Dr appointment I didn’t rush back to attend Grief Share because I found myself at a new low spot with the Holidays here and Pastor Connie’s passing.  You’d think being at Grief Share might’ve brought comfort.  But I knew it wouldn’t. Being around other deep sadness might’ve been too much…tipping the balance scale.

So I went to Subway.  On that cool, dark evening, I sat in a booth by myself and ate a roasted chicken sandwich.  I watched people.  I savored in the thankfulness that I had a warm house full of memories waiting for my arrival.

And, I then periodically sobbed torrential tears during my 45 minute drive from Salem to my haven.

When at home I snuggled in a blanket wearing  Loren’s robe, seated in Loren’s lazy boy chair in our bedroom, watching our favorite shows we enjoyed watching together.

I survived that day but certainly didn’t thrive.  And tomorrow appeared and I started over again, believing that day would be better.  All while serving and trusting God.

MY FIVE HAPPIEST changes and my FIVE SADDEST changes

Death, Doing it God's way, Faith in God, Grief, grief at 2 years, identifying positive things, Loss, loving your deceased spouse, Marriage, Miscellaneous, widowhood

2013 summer at Jack's memorial serviceThis weekend marks the 2 1/2 year anniversary of Loren’s passing. Happily and sadly I am noticing changes.  Some changes bring relief.   Some changes hold sadness.   I have pondered how life would be far easier if a person could just snap their fingers and move forward instantaneously.  That has not been my life story.  But I have purposed to walk this grief journey honorably and honestly, within my human confines and with God’s strength.

My FIVE HAPPIEST CHANGES are:

  • I no longer cry every day.  Most days I am content, even happy.
  • I want to be included  when in a large group of people, no longer wanting to hide. I’m increasingly feeling more independent. Hesitantly exploring what it is like to be just me.  And liking the status of “just me”.
  • I can be around couples without feeling discomfort and sadness.
  • I have successfully read one  thick, whole book. It feels good to once again focus because I used to be an avid reader.
  • Should I accidently walk out  the door without my wedding ring on my finger it is not a crisis.  I can actually smile at my accomplishment.

 

MY FIVE SADDEST CHANGES are:

  • I am forgetting bits and pieces of him.  Some of his quirky mannerisms. Parts of the wonderful way I felt when I was next to him.
  • I’m learning memories are NOT enough.  It angers me when people assume and say, “All you need are your memories”. In my case, those people are dead wrong! Pictures help…..and let’s just say,  I’m incredibly thankful I didn’t get rid of his things, including his gifts to me.
  • I can’t begin to do everything he did on our property. He was a strong lumberjack and thrived  working hard.  We made a great team out here.  I’m working hard on the ranch but I can’t re-create our strengths together…by myself.  A tough realization.
  • Those conflicts / those issues that most married couples need to work through?  I’m still sorting through Loren and my marriage…the strengths and the weaknesses.  His passing hasn’t automatically ceased the time, effort, and concern I (we) put into the 37 year marriage.  He’s gone.  But it’s hard to put a skid on love and commitment.
  • Each day that passes is but one more day of facing the finality that he is gone. It’s taken a lo-o-o-o-ng time for my HEART to catch up with my MIND…. and the word “painful” doesn’t even begin to describe the anguish one inwardly feels when absorbing this truth.

But I continue to learn to care for myself. So, to care for myself today I will not heap more sorrow on myself.  It’s time to go spend time in McMinnville with my brother from Florida, my sister from California, and my uncle from Virginia.  To worship together, eat together, and share life together on this Sunday.

God be with us all for I know each and every one of us can share our lives.  Through ups and downs. Through joys and sorrows.

 

 

What THIS WIDOW wants OTHER WIVES to UNDERSTAND

Death, Faith in God, healthy boundaries, Loss, loving your deceased spouse, Marriage, Miscellaneous, widowhood, wives love your husbands

IMG_0664 (1)I’m now on the other side of the fence. No longer the wife of a man, part of two living as one.  Years before Loren’s passing I had observed many people.  Single and married adults.  I now realize, even back then I was learning what to do and not to do in life.

Now, while married I wasn’t wary of every single woman who came our way. But you can bet I wasn’t foolish either! 

My mom had been close friends with Naomi Pfinister and Carol Robeson, both single Christian ladies who at some point in their lives were forced to survive their losses.  Because of them, I had healthy role models of solid, single women and witnessed their interactions with my father, my husband, my children, and many other’s.

Through these ladies I learned:

  • It is possible to adjust to a life of singleness even if it not be your first choice.
  • It is possible to adjust joyfully and gracefully even if the heart bear sorrow.
  • It is possible to be an adult single woman and have fun without being a royal flirt.

Unfortunately, in years past I had witnessed Christian ladies  acting in such a way I was lead to believe they were  “blurring boundaries”. 

Because I hadn’t lived my adulthood as a single person I felt I had “no leg to stand on”….no sound reason to speak up.   Now I do have a leg to stand on.  Today I have  28 months of life experience.

Dear wives, most of you are my  friends…some, casual acquaintances:

  • We widows feel and see that slight, ackward “thing” that happens if we are in too close of proximity, for too long, around your husband in the most innocent of situations.
  • We don’t resent you wives for your natural reactions.  We understand and do not feel offended!
  • Just because I am a Christian lady does not  mean you shouldn’t pay attention.
  • When I was married I had upright antennae’s. I applaud you, wives, for paying attention.
  • You are NOT a “jealous woman who doesn’t trust her husband” just because you are healthily guarding your marriage! This is normal.  And correct.  So full of wisdom.  You are his help-meet.  Regularly and fervently tending  to your garden.
  • We widows would’ve been ferociously infuriated and heart broken if another lady had smeared marital boundary lines.
  • Wives, you are very wise to remain your man’s #1 cheerleader. Your man’s #1 friend.  Your man’s #1 confidant.  If any other woman starts becoming one of those, STEP UP!   SPEAK UP!  Don’t become helpless!
  • Wives, fight for your marriages!  We widow’s know what it is like to lose a husband in death. Please don’t lose yours out of lackadaisical complacency.

 

I am just a widow who would give anything to have her husband back.

I am a single Christian lady finding that niche where I fit in.  Trying not be socially reclusive yet very much caring that I never cross lines.  All the while doing it God’s way.

My THREE newest DISCOVERIES and CIRCLES

Death, Family, friendships, Grief, identifying positive things, Loss, Miscellaneous, unexpected things in life

cropped-Julia-56-years-old.-February-2014.jpgIt took my husband’s passing away to open new discoveries in my life.  I now see I was willingly locked, by love and commitment, in to sharing and living my life with him.  At 27 ½ months out, I’m still walking through “the valley”  but I now can pick the wild flowers and lay down in the lush grass along my journey.

While driving to Salem this past Friday morning I had an unexpected “ah ha” moment. You know, those periodic moments where the mind and heart, together, reveal a new truth.

With a rush of dark sadness and a few minutes of hot, torrential tears I realized the following……

“IT TOOK MY HUSBAND’S PASSING FOR ME TO DISCOVER…………………..”

  To discover:

  • New friends! Because I’ve attended Grief Share since 4 months out, I’ve made forever friendships with 10 specific ladies.  We get together monthly for a meal.  We attend each other’s children’s special occasions. All of us are walking “the road”. Some having entered the journey earlier than me.  But all of us forging ahead.
  • New adventures! I’ve just now returned from a fabulous weekend away at a beach house with these same girlfriends.  We successfully crossed the threshold of remaining close friends after spending 48 plus hours together!  (In the past I would’ve NEVER gone away for a weekend with 10 girlfriends….undoubtedly, Loren would’ve been MY first choice, in a motel room with lots of fun and romance at the beach).
  • New freedoms! I like not having “to share” day in and day out. That sounds selfish, but it’s the truth.   (Oh, how I miss that life with him!  But I’m alone.  And it’s healthy for me to embrace being alone.)

“It took my husband’s passing away to discover…….”

Today my heart is full of deep sadness knowing it took Loren’s passing for new, good people to come my way.  Today my heart is full of happiness and contentment for I know these ladies who would run to my side if I needed them.

Oh, and btw, TWO of those TEN “Grief Share girlfriends” were my friends when I was young!

Donna:  5 years younger than me, grew up on an adjoining farm, went to the same church,  ~ a close friend of my sister, Janelle, and her mother was also a friend of my mom!

Eileen:  a girl I met at Bible camp in Middle School.  In High School my sister, Jean, and I attended the same private High School together with Eileen.  We three were very close friends and have silly, silly life stories under our belts!

 We lived our own separate lives within a 50 mile radius.

That is, until death, grief, and loss reconnected me with them…all ending up together at Grief Share meetings in Dallas, Oregon.  WHO WOULD’VE KNOWN !

Circles.  Re-connection.  As the song from THE LION KING movie says,  “It’s the circle, the circle of life!”  The circle of friendship.  Re-born from loss and death.