I wrote this in my journal in May 2016 just before our 2015-2016 school year was coming to an end. I believe music will forever trigger me….take time to read what happened to me that day.
I’d gone five days without shedding a tear. I could even say I’d had five days of happiness & acceptance of my lot. My life felt full of good things. That is, UNTIL THAT AFTERNOON in the middle of my music class with Mrs. Draper’s 3rd graders.
UNTIL I heard the first few lines of Willie Nelson’s song, ALWAYS ON MY MIND. I turned it off after a minute. IT WAS TOO LATE. This song wasn’t even Loren and my song. We knew of the song and it’s “famous-ness”. The song was sentimental, for sure, but the song held no emotional component for me. UNTIL NOW, that is.
After hearing a portion of this song my body and emotions were catapulted back into pain & sorrow. Hours later I’m still feeling remnants of:
- The pain in my chest
- The sick feeling in my gut, even at times effecting my digestive system
- The tears that easily flow or remain bottled up inside of my chest
- The sense of dread that, “THIS is real! THIS is not going away! THIS will always resurface at the most inopportune times.”
- “THIS” meaning: just when I think I’m really moving forward, something out of somewhere comes around that immediately throws me back into another realization that my husband is gone forever, here on earth that is.
Yes, music will start the flow of tears for me at unpredictable times at church, home or in the car. Just when you think your emotions are back to pre-grief levels, you get caught off guard. Thanks for sharing Julia.
well said, Donna. I like that….”pre-grief levels”. You are a great friend.