On January 16^th this unexpected, unanticipated emphatic phrase RESOUNDED in me…

“WE DON’T GRIEVE AS OTHERS DO AND WE DON’T DATE AS OTHERS DO”.

The context of the resounding statement came mere hours after telling Mary about an acquaintance of Loren & I… about my heart surprisingly battling with the rationale of this man after he contacted me (again), telling me that I “NEED TO HAVE FUN”….this time, he inviting me to meet him for dinner.  Me, of course, feeling flattered that he is contacting me.  Me IMMEDIATELY recalling how (a few years before Loren passed) Loren had hesitated and said, “I…don’t…know…I’m… not sure… about that” (after I had commented to Loren how this same work associate of his was SUCH a nice man).

Those words that came from Loren’s mouth that day have been re-playing through my mind!   Even though his response to my comment happened six years ago, I am 100% sure I am  to listen and take heed.

See, I’ve been recalling how Loren had insight in areas where I did not…whereas I  had insight in areas HE did not!  O, I miss this gift.  The gift of balance. The gift of a lengthy seasoned marriage where time does its magic…blending and mixing…where the two know each other better than any other live person on earth.

TWO INCIDENCES OF LOREN’S PERCEPTIONS COME TO MIND: 

• When a lady I was mentoring was slowly wearing me down because I hadn’t kept solid boundaries in time management and/or bringing her struggles into my daily life. He was right.  I had not been diligent.  And it was affecting me… greatly.
• When a person, who was not supporting my leadership, had a hidden agenda. He was right.  Not suspicious.  He saw clearly through the smoke.

It’s in THESE types of possible future scenarios where I fear I’ll be a “fish out of water”.

Back to dating and the poor decisions people can make….. let’s just put it this way……      “it never ceases to amaze me some of the ridiculous, desperate actions that I’ve personally witnessed other grieving people do”.

By close observation, their stories prove to have consequences most people wouldn’t wish for.  It appears their distress is now greater than mine because of the varied complications heaped upon the great loss that was first there!

And the “WE DON’T GRIEVE AS OTHER’S DO?” Undeniably, I have grieved hard.  I lost my  man whom I counted on growing old with.  And just because I believe in Heaven and have a sincere relationship with God doesn’t mean I would bypass the distress.   I have an acute awareness of  sorrow that rests beneath the surface…….and will most likely until the day I die.

I guess the one way I haven’t “grieved as others do” is by

•  being very selective with who my close friends are
• I “guard my heart” (spiritually, mentally, and emotionally)
• I  protect myself (spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically)
• all- the- while understanding that  uncontrolled grief can cause people to do careless things they would’ve never dreamed they’d do!

And, the best thing of all?    In the far, far distance I know how my love story will end!!

P.S.  O, the guy?  I declined the invitation.  Again.  (because, it’s simple… I can read the monumental sign on his forehead that says, “I. CREATE. DRAMA”).