THIS YEAR…on THIS DAY…I’ve been proactive. See, after Christmas Day, I left on an airplane……just one more thing I may have never done if Loren was here.

I’m sitting by a pool in Florida,  at an Air B & B, in a resort.  I’m surrounded by my brother Dennis & my sister (his wife) Linda, (nephew) Chad & Lisa, (nephew) Cheritt  & Kelly, Jonathan & (niece) Charissa and the “lovelies” (Dennis’s  five adorable grandchildren).

I LOVE THE GOOD CONVERSATION!  I’ve never loved frivolous surface talk.  I prefer candid heart-to-heart dialogue.  I’m enjoying getting to know my nieces and nephews as adults who are in their late 30’s to early 40’s.  To have this snippet of time to share life with them (and their families) will forever be cherished!

It’s been interesting observing the family dynamics amongst  Dennis’s family.  I smile because numerous times, since Loren passed, I have caught myself sitting back at my gatherings considering the changes that are occurring in my kids and grandkids.   Most of the changes are pleasing yet a low level of sadness hints at the heightened exchanges  amongst my children and I.  This improved respect and adoration should not be a poor reflection of Loren as much as our wakened attentiveness to the frailty of human life and the increasing desire to treasure our time together.

So, THIS LAST DAY of  THIS YEAR   brings hope and encouragement (along with the great anticipation of going to a Medieval Jousting Performance / Meal tonight.  Check.  One more thing off of my bucket list)!

THIS LAST DAY of 2018 BRINGS HOPE:

• Trusting each Holiday Season will bring SHORTER episodes of deep longing with pain.
• That I will keep giving myself MORE permission to try new things.
• That I will trust that I can learn to FIND enjoyment in more settings.
•  That I will continue being MORE comfortable in more situations.

AND.. this year I’m not home alone, for which I am very thankful!

May each of us have a  Blessed New Year (note, I don’t need a Happy New Year…I need a Blessed Year from God above)!

P.S.  THANK YOU (brother) Galen for strongly encouraging me to venture out and go.  THANK YOU mom & dad (last spring before my dad passed) for encouraging me to not stay home the 2018 Christmas Break (they knew how painful the 2017 Season was)… Thank you, my dear children, for holding down the fort…I love all of you!

The last P.S.  You need to know I would NEVER expect my adult children to include me in their New Year’s Eve plans!  I want my kids to WANT to be with me vs them feeling OBLIGATED to include me.  They need to live life to the fullest as Loren and I did at their ages.