About 6 months after Loren passed, it was on a fall evening that I had a most important conversation with myself.
Up to this point I had been with one of our four children weekly, daily at times. They were my life-line. My body and senses were in full-crisis mode because of the separation from Loren.
I had been out mowing the last mow before the heavy rains were to come. It was then I had an acute thought, “My kids love me so much that I COULD be needy and helpless, which would require them to be near me”.
Immediately after that thought passed, I EQUALLY pondered, “I COULD release my kids from FEELING like they need to care for me“. I then thought of these facts:
- “I am 57”.
- “I most likely will have many more years of being single”.
- “I want my kids to WANT to be with me”.
- “I NEVER want them to resent me”.
- “I know there will come a day, as I age, where I will need them more than I do now. I need to have a non-demanding relationship with them NOW since things will change, some day”.
It was then that I intentionally started releasing my kids from FEELING like they MUST be responsible for my well-being.
Soooo, the random-periodic-times I start feeling “needy”….wanting to find one of my children to attach myself to… I immediately remember that initial ” Pivotal Power Conversation” I had had with my self.
“I still choose to never demand, command, insist that my children try to fill the void that Loren left” .
“I choose to live to the fullest even when that means living a solitary life”.
There is a movie with Susan Serandon as the main character (out about 5-8 yrs ago?) that deals with this very subject. It’s funny, sad, poignant – I enjoyed it!
Danette, Interesting! I need to watch that movie! Julia
Wonderful advice Julia. To have so much self-awareness at that stage in your grief process is amazing! This is a great learning experience to share with others.
Thank you, Linda
Beautifully stated Julia. Hugs. 😍
Thank you Tammie…I’m very sure you also had to come to this conclusion.